Writing a paragraph – the Internet

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<Out-line>

Topic sentence: Today, most people rely on the Internet in many ways.

A. First main point: enjoying break time with the internet

    1. explanation or example: music, cheaper than CD and easy to use

    2. explanation or example: movie, download and can watch at home

B. Second main point: effective to get information

    1. explanation or example: fastest way to get the newest issue

    2. explanation or example: easy to get information you want

C. Third main point: SNS

   1. explanation or example: know recent issue about friends

   2. explanation or example: find old friends

Concluding sentence: Needless to say, the Internet is widely used in various purposes by a number of people.

 

< Paragraph>

The uses of the Internet

 

     If you are in a subway or bus, look around the people who are in there. I know what they do even though I am not in same place and same time with you. Most of them are watching their smart phone or tablet PC using the Internet. Is it Right? As I can guess the situation without seeing, today, most people rely on the Internet in many ways.

When the people enjoy their break time, they use the Internet for music and movie. Most of sites about downloading songs or movies show that what albums or films are released recently and which one is popular to the public, so it is easy to enjoy their rest time. Plus, purchasing the items on the internet is cheaper than buying them on off-line store.

Also, the Internet is effective way to get information. It is the fastest and easiest way to get up-to-date issues and gives us a lot of information. By one clicking or few-words typing, we can get the information whatever we want even it is specialized or the latest accident which occurs five-minutes ago.

People can use Social Networking Services which called SNS with the Internet, too. Through the SNS such as a Facebook or a Twitter, not only they keep on relationship with other people in busy life but also they can find their old friends who missed. For this, people know their friends’ recently done sitting in front of their computer or using their smart-tool on their way to work.

Like these, there are many ways to use the Internet and it is widely used in various purposes by a number of people in these days.

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3 thoughts on “Writing a paragraph – the Internet

  1. How is it going ? I saw your assignment very carefully and I think it is well done! You should give yourself a credit .
    however , Don’t you think it is a little long for a paragraph? Aren’t we supposed to write an introductory one? maybe I could be wrong.. anyway good job!!!

  2. Hey Siwoo~ You are one of the students who wrote a good hook. Like teacher said, I also think your hook is good because I can imagine the situation, so it is easier to understand what you want to say. Moreover, you wrote three examples in order to support your topic, and I think that is appropriate. However, I guess it would be better if you write other examples of second paragraph. Showing what albums or films are released recently and which one is popular to the public is kind of information. In my opinion, it is not using the internet for enjoying music or movies. It is just my thought…haha Anyway, you are a good writer. I gotta go. See you~

  3. You wrote an essay, not a paragraph! A paragraph is a more concise expression of your ideas. I really like your hook and support sentences, however I have a few suggestions:

    In your controlling idea, you said you would talk about how people “rely” on the internet, but your talk about how they use it. Revise your topic sentence.

    Also, your conclusion is a kind of tongue twister. You use way too many quantifiers: “many”, “various”, “a number”, etc. It makes the sentence very wordy and awkward. Be more concise.

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